3 signs a conversation needs to happen

3 signs a conversation needs to happen3 signs a conversation needs to happenProductive conversations turn conflict into collaboration, reduce costly mistakes and create a culture of accountability.However, productive conversations are often avoided because of a perceived difficulty in initiating the conversation. Ive heard everything from, I dont want her to cry, to Im afraid of blowing up, to Its the company picnic this week to I cant afford to lose them.What makes a conversation difficult varies from person to person. The variables include the depth of the relationship, the power structures, the timing and experience. But what all avoidance patterns have in common are three things Fear of the emotional experience,skill leveland the unwillingness to do theemotional laborrequired.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreThe hidden element is awareness. Many of us are unaware that we even need to initiate a conversation. The situation always looks like the aufgabe belongs to someone else, but until we as leaders take full responsibility, nothing will change.When executives blame middle managers for not initiating conversations, the lingering question is this Who is managing the managers? It always comes back to leadership, and it starts at the top.When senior-level leaders avoid, they create a culture of avoidance. You cant fix what you dont acknowledge and you wont acknowledge what you are unaware of. The signs that you need to initiate a difficult conversation is all around you if you know where to look. Here are three signs that indicate a conversation needs to happen.A negative intern landscapeYour inner landscape is your thoughts, feelings and emotions. If you find yourself thinking bad thoughts about someone, it doesnt mean your thoughts are true or factual. It means you are far over-due for a conversation. When you blame someone without talking to them first, it means you arent taking full responsibility for the situation. When you judge someone, it means you dont fully understand, and when you resent someone it might mean you failed to set a boundary.If you find yourself gossiping, running to a friend to dish on someone else, it means you are avoiding talking to the one person who could actually change the situation.Understanding your inner landscape is about growing inemotional intelligence. If you arent paying attention to your inner landscape and thus your inner dialogue, you are not aware enough to initiate a productive conversation.Unwanted business resultsYour hot-headed tantrum-throwing partner isnt just an emotional issue. Theres a business case happening before your very eyes. Besides irritating you and creating a toxic culture, you are losing employees. Or worse, you are keeping employees who arent engaged and arent speaking up. The result is loss due to turnover, or costly mistakes waiting to happen.Your Queen Bee you think is such a star performer, but isnt good at teamwork is not actually a star performer. The problem is that you dont equate team performance with overall performance. Theres always a business case for cleaning up bad behavior, you just have to notice how to connect the dots. Chances are your avoidance or lack of awareness is costing you productivity, reputation, teamwork or speed.MisalignmentLook for evidence that the behaviors you see in the workplace harmonize with the mission, vision and values expressed on the website. When it comes to bad behavior that needs to be addressed, the biggest excuse I see at all levels is Thats just the way I am or Thats just the way its always been.Its usually followed up with something relating to one of the dozens of personality assessments out there Hes a very high D on the Disc, therefore, fill in the blank. Or, according to her Myers-Briggs, shes an INFJ, thereforeRecently at an executive round-table I was asked this question What about the diffe rentmanagement styles?My answer was this I dont look at styles in the beginning. I look at alignment to the mission, vision, and values. The style doesnt matter nearly as much as alignment.Personality assessments can help you understand yourself, your colleagues, and your peers, or they can be used to avoid doing what is necessary to make the needed course-corrections.High D on theDisc?Doesnt mean its OK to throw fits if the values of the organization are trust, integrity and collaboration. Quick Start on theKOLBE?Doesnt mean its OK to go rogue without getting agreement from your senior executives.With that said, if the mission is to win at all costs and the top value is hustle, you will attract the right employees to play that game, as well.From this understanding its not about right or wrong, black or white. Its about making decisions in alignment and being able and willing to deal with the consequences as they come.ConclusionContinually avoiding the elephant in the room creates a culture of neglect and avoidance. Your conversations eitherdrive resultsor drive drama. Productive conversations is a key to creating adrama-free culturethat drives growth and reduces costly mistakes.This article originally appeared on SmartBrief.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people